Reasons I hate Facebook

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

My best/worst relationship

Growing up my parents wouldn’t let me use MySpace because it was full of creeps and “heathens”. But the allowed me to use Facebook because no one was using Facebook during 2006. For the next seven years I used Facebook, not really caring about it that much. I would go on a couple times a day, and when I was bored I would keep it open for the occasional poke battle with the weird emo kid down the street (he would later become a hipster and insist he was on Facebook before it was mainstream garbage….he lies).

I was never a person to get so tied up in Facebook…I mean there was that time when I would play Farmville and that crud….but that was a dark time in my past…a very short, dark time.

Image representing FarmVille as depicted in Cr...

We don’t talk about that time

I didn’t stalk people or become one of those weirdoes who couldn’t finish a hour without my Facebook fix. I just went on, looked at the stupid decisions people my age were posting, laughed, and went out and made my own bad decisions. It was a simple time, one where I didn’t have to worry about who would see me or who I would see. I thought Facebook was that cool friend I could hang out with everyone in a while….then the jerk stabbed me in the back.
After my sophomore year of college Facebook started getting in my face about my relationship status (single for those of you too snarky to notice). It started to post wedding pictures and then would make sure every single person who changed their relationship statues from single to in a relationship would shoot to the top of my newsfeed and stay there….for weeks! It was like Facebook was my grandma naming off all my female relatives who had discovered that “if you’re not chubby you get a man.”

The kicker was when my friend from high school posted “Looks like junior me is going to have a little sister!”…What!?! People my age were having children and jerk face Facebook decided I needed to see that. It was becoming all too much for me. Between the wedding invites, and happy couple posing I had decided that maybe Facebook wasn’t my good friend…maybe it was just my mean, sexist, grandmother who felt the need to “have more grandbabies than that snob Carol at church.”

Grandma. The Matriarch.

Sure act sweet, but remember that if all goes according to plan you and carol get to spend eternity together.

So I started beating Facebook at its own game. I unfriended people from high school, and blocked pictures from those gooey couples. I started to go out more and left my Facebook app on lockdown. I was determined to avoid feeling like the single loser I was…until it all met me square in the face.

In the past when I have a crush on someone I don’t take it well. I do one of two things, I both meet the crush head on and ask them out, only to realize they don’t like me. Or I hide from them and try and avoid them at all cost. Even looking at the persons face can send me into a fit of emotional rage. And if you’ve ever seen me in a fit of emotional rage, I’m sorry…my Irish heritage didn’t influence my emotion control.

During my sophomore year I had developed a crush on someone who I had become really closest to and I was feeling pretty okay on basis of two things.
1)    I wouldn’t have to see him ever because he barley went on Facebook and posted stuff.
2)    He technically would drop off the face of the earth because he was graduating.
Those were my reasoning’s for being okay with developing my crush. And like most crushes my peak timing had it so that before I developed my “I can’t look at your name without throwing up” he would leave and everything would go back to normal……but it didn’t.

Dog tumbling into a faceplant

Life fail….all I can say is that it happens…A LOT!

First off the dude decided to go to grad school at the small, private, and ‘get to see everyone who goes here’ university I attend. Second, he and Facebook became real good friends and decided to post stuff ALL THE FUDGING TIME! For me this was awful because I still had my crush because the idea we could be together was still there. And to top all of this off Facebook loved to play it up to the max. “Oh…he posted that 5 hours ago…why don’t I move that up your newsfeed for you?” “Did you know he loves to post on instagram!?! He’s a picture he posted on it a couple days ago!” Facebook had not become my addition, it hadn’t become a clutch, it had become the thing that prevented me from functioning like a normal, rational being because I was spending my entire day avoiding computer screens and phone updates, just so I didn’t have to see the name of the guy I had a crush on!

Once again Facebook continues to torture me and drag my singleness through the dirt. Maybe it’s helping me grow stronger in my single life or teach me not to be a annoying flip when I do find myself in a relationship. But for now its making me have to suffer with butterflies and emotional outburst when I see a post from a certain person. And to combat this I realize I have to beat Facebook at their own game. First step to own my feeling and take the power of the crush and you do that by making it real.

So here I am. My name is Joslyn Marie Smith. I have a huge crush on Jacob Redding (seriously just had a flip out moment in my office just from typing that….so sad) and if he asked me out to coffee I would probably say yes and then throw up….or throw up and then say yes…anyway. Facebook…I want to be friends again. You know those days when we would just sit for hours and tease people because they played vampire wars and that stupid sorority game. The days we would look up people from home and make fun of how they’re a communications major….those days. I miss those simple, easy going days. Let’s go back and forget the babies, the weddings, and all the stupid relationship crap we’ve been looking at. I want it to just be me and you and a newsfeed of funny misquotes and stupidity. Because you are what I turn to when I realize I’m alone and have no one….your mine Facebook and I want it to be that way for a while….or at least until Jacob responds back….

there is a possibility that if he does respond…no matter what his response is I’ll be avoiding life for a long time…sorry.

Sorry on Australia Day-sky writing, National A...

I made this for you Facey


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